Or Julian Bashir, Intergalactic Pussy Hound
"The galaxy can be a dangerous place when you're on your own."
-Q
Friends, I know have been a little hard on DS9's first handful of episodes, outside of the pilot. And yes, I understand that starting a new series can be a little herky-jerky, as the writers try to introduce central elements of a full cast that will be using, they hope, for seasons to come. Perhaps I have been a little demanding of these first few episodes, but that should be colored by the fact that I know the series becomes very compelling as it grows. I do not have a comprehensive memory of the series (thus, these reviews), but I have a rough idea of where the high and low points lie.
And that is why I can write, with confidence, that "Q-Less" is the worst DS9 episode of the series.
This is a strong statement, but I will not qualify it. My strongest gripe with this episode is the way it assaults the viewer with TNG background plots. Nobody likes the guy who insists on making inside jokes foreign to new members of a group; but that guy is especially loathsome when those inside jokes aren't even that funny.
While Vash and Q are certainly not the low points of TNG, I cannot think of a single episode either appears in that is particularly memorable. Vash was a mildly amusing character, a sort of hooker-with-an-eye-for-gold witty enough to intrigue Picard. Her seduction of him adds some personality to Picard's standard rigidity, but I always felt like the writers saw a lot more in her character than I ever did.
And then there's Q. TNG is based, of course, on Q's evaluation of mankind, which is the direct premise for both that series' premiere and finale. And the juxatposition of Q's omnipotence with the mortal struggles of man has some value. On one hand, knowing that the show's universe houses a species that can be anywhere and do anything at will reduces to triviality many encounters in the series. Yet, the persistence that the crew of the Enterprise, and in this episode the crew of Deep Space 9, shows speaks to the nature of humanity. Our births and eventual deaths are inevitable, yet we strive to overcome obstacles in between those bookends in spite of that knowledge. This theme is mirrored in Odo and Quark's debate over the acquisition of material wealth, a pursuit Odo downplays due to the inevitability of death.
(On a side note, the scene also includes another Auberjonois-Shimerman dialogue gem:
Quark: I'm selling quallity merchandise to select clientele.
Odo: What makes them so... select?
Quark: They're all ridiculously wealthy... and not too bright.
This is yet another scene in which Odo humors Quark just long enough that we understand he has more interest in his would-be nemesis than procedure would merely dictate. Auberjonois does this subtly and expertly.)
And yet, why the writers pathetically leaned on old TNG crutches in this episode is hard to explain. From a plot standpoint, I guess Vash's collection of Gamma Quadrant goods is a reasonable way to get the shiny egg onto the station, putting it in climactic peril . But if you carefully consider the key points at which the episode turns, it becomes clear that it didn't even need to include Q. Q conveyed some vague references to Sisko about the danger Vash posed, but the crew eventually found the egg based on their creative solution without Q's influence. The first twenty minutes of the episode were wasted on Q and Vash's dreary bickering over what they had been up to for two years and Bashir's loverboy pursuits, which became a red herring anyway.
I know I have been demanding on the series. Dear reader and viewer, please take my word that DS9 is never as bad as "Q-Less."
A few items of novelty:
- In one of the most unbelievable and unnecessary stage directions in the series, the first segment ends with Q somehow hiding crouched over next to the runabout, roughly two feet from where Sisko is standing. Q, of course, would never actually have to hide to avoid discovery, but regardless, am I supposed to believe Sisko would not have seen Q in spite of the fact that he could have tripped over him?
- The bareknuckle boxing scene was humorous both in how out of place it seemed and in the actors' portrayals. The Gangs of New York-esque (yes, I know the episode predates that movie by the better part of a decade) mustache on Q was sadly a high point, and Avery Brooks was, per usual, overly emphatic.
- Almost as if the writers heard critical contemporaries make the same complaint about overusing Odo's shapeshifting, Quark starts rattling off objects Odo could have posed as while eavesdropping on his conversation with Vash. A small dose of self-awareness is always a funny touch.
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