Blogging DS9, S1E15: If Wishes Were Horses

S1E15, "If Wishes Were Horses"
Or, Only the Bored are Boring

"Ladies and gentleman and all androgenous creatures...  your attention please. As you have noticed we are experiencing some difficulties. I'm going to have to ask you all to please refrain from using your imaginations." -Odo

I have to make a very personal confession to preface my review of this episode: To the ten-year-old version of myself who crushed on Jadzia Dax, the payoff of her snuggling up to Bashir was wildly gratifying. Judge the fairness of this review with that in mind.

As for the 28-year-old version of myself, he was far less satisfied with this tragically cobbled mess of Star Trek templates. The episode uses one core development to link the ensemble and shows how its impacts the crew, a tactic used in many TNG episodes to varying degrees of success. What this method gains in equal exposure to the cast, it sacrifices the depth of empathy we develop in episodes where a single character's plight or aspirations are developed in full. That's not to say these ensemble episodes are without their place in the franchise (TNG's "Yesterday's Enterprise" is a great example of that place). Rather, in a space station where we are just getting to know the senior staff and focal players in any detail, their collective lack of depth at this point does not allow the story to snugly settle over their unique contours.

And that would be true of a story of any plausibility. To borrow from the quote the episode's title alludes to, a beggar-caliber story rides here. I'll stretch and accept that O'Brien's imagination created Rumpelstiltskin and Sisko's dreamt up an old baseball player, both of them for their children. But considering Bashir and Quark both imagined sex-oriented visions, wouldn't you expect the station to devolve into some massive orgy? And is Kira really so boring that her imagination can't create anything at all? And who is dreaming up emus?

By far the worst part of the episode, however, is Sisko's revelation as to how to short-circuit the expanding anomaly. In a move strangely similar to Picard's directive to think positive thoughts toward The Traveler in "Where No One Has Gone Before," in the face of collective doom, Sisko tells his operations staff that the threat is all in their heads. The franchise always faces a double-edged sword with these kinds of episodes that center around the unexplained. Whereas relations with other species can be expected to follow the pattern they do between nations here in the real world, the writers have the privilege and curse of handling unknown phenomena however they like. In the best cases, we can believe and understand when these problems are solved with 21st Century believable means (sometimes Geordi, often O'Brien). In average cases, the writers come up with pseudo-scientific mumbo jumbo (usually out of Data or Dax's mouths). And in the worst cases, they force overly simplistic solutions out of thin air.

Lastly, I need to address Buck Bokai and Sisko's love of baseball. We know from their conversation at the end of the episode that Bokai was a star from the last seasons of baseball before a lack of interest forced the end of the game (which, considering this was written in 1993 at or near baseball's apex, showed a lot of foresight). Without spoiling anything, I will tell you, dear reader, that this is not the last you will see of baseball players, baseball uniforms, or baseballs. In fact, you may have noticed Bokai left the baseball with Sisko when he disappeared.

I recognize that the writers were trying to find a modern day hook to connect this imaginary space station from four centuries in the future to the present day. And yet, it's completely unreasonable to believe even in Commander Sisko's youth that he loved a long-dead sport. It probably would only be a slightly strange quirk like Picard's oddly generic love of "archaeology" except there may or may not be a holo-game involving the main characters. It's as if the show is begging for some kind of mainstream crutch. "I'm cool too, you guys; I play the baseballs."

Other things I noticed:

• The Bashir-Dax stalkership reached HR-notifying levels in this episode. Seriously, 20 years ago, people did not get uneasy about one colleague fawning over another like this?
• I always read that actors enjoy playing possessed or otherwise altered versions of themselves as Terry Farrell did here with Bashir's imaginary Dax. And as uncomfortable as imaginary Dax felt here, I somehow felt like she was the more textured of the two portrayals. Yes, Dax is supposed to exude coolness and confidence to the brink of arrogance, but in her one turn as the star of an episode ("Dax"), she is reclusive and whiny. 
• As I've read other reviews of the series, I've found people are mostly lukewarm on Avery Brooks, as opposed to my general underwhelment. But in the scene where he bonds with Bokai, Sisko assures the slugger he was one of the best and then proceeds to attempt a wink. Now many people cannot wink with one of their eyes, and some even cannot wink with either. What Brooks executes looks more like a hard blink and surely could have stayed on the cutting room floor, yes?

2 bars of gold-pressed latinum out of 5